One particular email I came across was one sent to me by my sister inlaw back in January. She shared with me a devotion about Elijah. The devotion meant something to me today as it did back then. I will just share the devotion with you.
"There is nothing." -I Kings 18
Elijah was a man who hoped perfectly; hoped against hope until the abundant answer came. He continued, in the very face of darkness and perplexity, to expect, because the very God of hope lived in him and expected through him. And he was not ashamed, for it came to pass the seventh time his servant said, "Behold, there ariseth a little cloud out of the sea, about the size of a man's hand," and in a little while the heaven was black with the clouds and there was a great rain!
Canyou count God faithful when only the still small voice speaks? When there is neither wind, earthquake, nor fire? Can you start when you see the cloud no bigger than a man's hand? Can you say: " There is nothing," but I wait on Thee. My mind is peculiarly dark regarding the way I am to take, but Thou knowest. Unto Thee do I look up!"
"There is nothing"- though the raindrops needed sorely and so long
Have been promised by Jehovah, by the Father true and strong.
And the sky is blue and cloudless, and the earth is parched and dry,
Yet no showers are forthcoming from the reservoir on high.
"There is nothing-" but the prophet knows and trusts his Master's word;
He is not a senseless idol, but the mighty, powerful God.
He has seen His wondrous working, he believes Him faithful still;
So he humbly waits in patience for Jehovah's perfect will.
"There is nothing"- oh, how often doth the enemy declare,
Nothing for your constant wrestlings; nothing for your cries and tears.
And the faithless heart says
"Nothing," through deceived she ne'er has been,
For the little cloud so longed for, at the seventh time is seen.
"There is nothing,"- but there shall be: God is still the Great "I Am."
He is NOW Almighty, faithful, and forevermore the same;
And the tears, and cries, and wrestlings, have been recorded on high;
Not forgotten, nor neglected, to be answered by and by.
"Get up, eat and drink; for there is a sound of abundance of rain!"
There are so many times I feel as if I hear that still small voice like I have many other times in different situations but this time it is over shadowed by the loud reports ("facts") from the doctors. The tears of desparation that I have cried have seemed to go unnoticed by God. I want to believe in that voice I hear but fear overwhelms my soul most days. It is the darkest place I have ever been in. I cannot even begin to describe what all this tragedy has done to our lives.
However, it is Words such as this that remind me that just maybe there is still hope. That there is still a compassionate and loving God who really does care and hear this mother's heart for her only son. I am so afraid to hold onto faith and the unseen for fear that it will bring disappointment. I pray that I can have the faith and hope of Elijah and believe until we SEE the cloud the size of a man's hand that brings with it an outpouring of healing for our sweet Jax.