My son's affliction is like the enemy staring at me right in the face every morning, and every day I have to remind myself with the word of God that I must not succumb to that fear and intimidation. Every day I have to find life where it feels there is only death.
Today has been one of those days. You know that day when you wake up and the world just doesn't seem right. Nature might be all aglow with heaven's sunlight but your soul feels weary. It was a darker day. One that I haven't had in awhile. I found myself feeling anxious, overwhelmed, fearful and just plain sad. I was giving in to today's battle. I give myself these days from time to time. Days to have a good cry. The tears somehow seem to cleanse my soul, my spirit.
I felt like David today in Psalm 13 when he wrote or rather asked God--"How long, O Lord?" Will you forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?" And though David questions God and feels as if God has forgotten him in the end he finishes with telling God that he still trusts in His mercy and his heart rejoices in His salvation.
I have been reminded once again on this journey that it is imperative to take one step at a time. If I allow myself to to think too far into the future I become overwhelmed and fearful of the tasks and challenges that are not even yet a reality. I have to live in the moment and give thanks for God's present mercies and in doing so I can rejoice in His salvation. He will give me strength and bless me with peace.
I pray many things over Jax but one thing I pray for every day besides healing is that God would be merciful to him. Regardless of how His mercies are manifested, I must trust in the sovereignty of God and continually praise Him.